1. At first glance he may look like your average elf: probably from a small town, nice parents, good education.

2. Sure, he’s a bit strange.

3. But nonetheless harmless, right??

5. It all started when a couple of Barbies denied Elf on the Shelf’s Christmas offering.

6. The rejection stung and the once jolly Christmas elf was left with nothing but a deep, unguided anger.

7. He became reclusive — spending most of his time alone, drinking and chain-smoking, wondering about his real purpose on Earth.

8. It wasn’t long before his behavior began to spiral out of control.

9. Every night was a new blackout, a new horror.

10. Things he once loved turned into things he hated.

Evan Krause / Trang Krause / Via 11krause.wordpress.com
11. Run-ins with the law were frequent occurences.

12. He became a different person entirely.

13. It was all really just a desperate cry for help.

14. But before anyone could do anything, it was too late.

Flickr / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: m-i-k-e

15. Friendships were severed.

16. Lives were lost.

17. Grandmothers were corrupted.

“F%CK B*TcHeZ, G3T $$$"

18. So this Christmas, make sure to hide yo’ kids.

19. Hide yo’ wife.

Kim Rosas / Via dirtydiaperlaundry.com

20. And hide yo’ husband.

21. Because no one is safe as long as this guy’s on a shelf.